How I overcame overthinking and OCD and how you can.

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What Does OCD Really mean (for me)??

SO,lets begin our Journey to overcome this mental disease but first of all I want to clarify that i am not a native english speaker and not even a professional  by any means of writing. However, this blog isnt gonna be conventional one in any sense. As seen by title of  blog ; this is according to my personal experiene and I assure you after reading this little smart book you would have gained enough knowledge to at least know what really are you doing with your life along with this mental disease and for other people who are just reading this book  for knowledge  will be more aware of it to help those with this.

.So,back to our topic what really is ocd,in a few words a "Silent killer". the fullform of ocd is "obsessive Compulsive disorder" obsessive refers to chaotic brain condition that is full of anxiety and irritation.And the Second word compulsive refers to something what we call constrained or restricted mental pattern or feeling bound to do something or kinda feeling compelled to do smthin,without proper intention to-do so.While the word disorder means smthin that is not ordered or uniform and kinda disturbed.And abnormal behaviour so it all collectively means chaotic (hustle and bustle) and repetitive , restricted behaviour that affects the daily life of a person.Its anxiety with no reason and worrying about every little detail whether outside of head or inside the brain.So what really happens is that you start to give more attention to things than they really worth Givin.You tend to think beyond The average thinking mind and think what is not thinkable for a average mind.Its is a ultimate version of overthinking that affects the life of a person in a way that is not understandable by the people who are not suffering from thIs.Some people think it is only a fear of germs and checking for certain things again n again until you reach to an extent of satisfaction that calms up you or your anxiety.Yes,thats ocd but there is so much apart from than just this well known ocd.A dangerous type of ocd is "pure-o" in which all your compulsions or checking things are not physical but in your brain.You check repetitively for things in your brain and certain patterns that is beyond the sense of other people around you.For instance ,Did i put that thing at the right place or at the place where i used to put it or something like assume if there are so many dishes or food infront of you and now you will feel compelled to taste every dish until you feel satisfied not cuz you are hungry but because you are estimating taste of which would be a better choice for you,you are afraid of not choosing the right and what quenches the thirst of your compulsion.And the same applies for  male/female or girl / boy in a social place like if you are a boy/girl and there are some girls/boys nearby and you find yourself  feared of not choosing the right one just like dishes.Like ,to think in brain , Am I Attracted towards her or him?or what will she/he be thinking of me or every possible scenario that you could imagine.Also you already know that you are not gonna even talk to him/her and in spite of that you think so. In short,a better analogical example of this will be something like if one is counting the hairs of his/her head and you ask them why? And they have no answer to that and just doing so with no reason.It doesnt ends here, there are certain brain patterns that one have to follow and you just cant describe them to anyone without this.So, dont worry the same is with me but i will talk about it in later chapters (my weird ocd and rehablitation) in detail.

Ocd is a Loop - Hole that never ends and only ends when you try do to do some extra effort by comparing the reality and illusional reality (fakism) and by taking a step back and taking it from a neutral point of view. Yes, i believe it can be a dangerous disease ,enough to destroy you. But dont worry now you are in a kinda safe-zone cuz you should feel lucky to be reading this.

Personal story: MY weirdo OCD.

IT all began like 1.5 - 2 yrs ago from now (2024)when I used to be a brilliant student in the eyes of my parents like now iam in 10th grade while that was the time when i was in 8th - 9th grade.I used to be a perfectionist and never ever wanted to do a single mistake that became the villain of my story but we will get to it later.I got medals in 8th and below 8th grades (7,6,5...) and always stood 1st in my classroom.Okay thats fine so, what next? Here comes the Last day of my 8th grade ,The Result Ceremony for position holders including me.So,I along with my father went to auditorium hall . During ceremony i saw my crush first time, after 3 years of being separated from girls wing of my school and moving to boys wing ,back in 5th grade.As it was the last day of my 8grade and we were gonna start our 9th laterly (senior class).So,for that reason Both the girls n boys came altogether in the event for commemoration.As i said earlier that there i saw my crush or my newly seen future wife(not actually).Okay after that we (me and father)went to home and at night when i tried to sleep,i wasnt able to sleep cuz of I was thinking a lot and even i thought the whole night every little detail of her like seeing me and every little possibility like she may also be liking me or not.me hugging my father and her seeing me or me leavin stage and her seeing me or not.In short,every scenario that was possible.And gradually my thoughts shifted from reality to delusional thoughts and that was the point from where i was gonna be led towards OCD.

Also, after my 8th grade on the first day of 9th I saw another dream angel but only at a glance that was heavenly for me but also proved to be as destructive as heavenly for my new year of 9th grade.After , went to home i started to find her on socia media sites and on school website and other possible sources and even my old school prospectus book that was full of dirt to saw her picture clearly and thats the irony that i didnt even know 5% about her but only her attractive face that was for only a few seconds and that also now i have forgotten and kinda blur memory of her.Still i dont know who she is, why i like her but that was my developing stage of bad mental habits that would gradually send me towards ocd.As i said earlier,about delusional thought pattern , this is one of them that i dont know who she is, Why i like her, but still i love her.

Weeks and Months passed and I  became more n more desperate with time and I started to download Love prediction and Astrology apps and every possible way to find her clue.But i couldnt achieve anything. What was real was so much different from what i thought at that time.It never happened before that i do something withno reason and just think too much and believe in un real things. That was my way to ocd and early sign or phase.Like i didnt really like her in real but still like her despite knowing nothing about her and think endlessly of her.Am i being attracted towards her? , was she also thinking the same way and what she thought about me.These were my early obsessions ( Talked about it in early pages,obsessions)that i experienced ever.But i had only developed one  element yet that was my obsession (running behind something without verifying it) leaving the main component called compulsion or compulsive or restricted mental behaviour.And these two's are the basic components of ocd like you start to become obsessed over little and useless things that doesnt even exist and worry about it with no reason.And now lets take a look at the second phase of my ocd that began when i was brushing my teeth and realized that it was taking way too longer than before and i was thinking too much during brush and even felt myself stuck in thoughts called compulsions but also brushing in itself was kinda challenge cuz due to ocd i was not being satisfied with it like being afraid of germs and cavity in my teeth.This habit destructively resulted in my time management Issue and started to affect my life day by day.I started to feel compelled todo certain things until i become mentally satisfied with this,like opening and closing the door of almirah or cupboard to check where a certain thing is placed and to make sure that It really is at his place and also i would arrange it in a distinct place or in a distinct order and now i was bound to arrange those clothes or whatever in the same way as these were arranged before. 

Now, You i would feel a sudden urge that is full of anxiety to check and recheck things and their order of placing them.Imagine ,when going to bed for sleep ,you face these obsessions,compulsions and worry over things that you know are not worth But still you feel compelled to do so. Lets, sleep, oh i had to brush my teeth and it takes too long during brush and after that I check my things like whatever iam worried about of not being in place or order. Also i check my things but not physically but mentally in brain and even make it worse. And after checking everything when you Are gonna lie on the bed for sleep And you put off your shoes and you find yourself compelled to arrange your shoes in a distinc angle or in a distinct place and it also takes you 8 minutes to become Satisfied and yet you have suspect of the shoes not placed in a perfect position and some time it becomes extremely hard when you tried but could not find that point of satisfaction in you brain and you are in a contant fear of not being perfect.Now, did you remember something? About the word " perfect " that i talked about a few page earlier as i said its gonna be main villain.As if you are not perfect you will die and you have to be one hundred percent sure about every nuance that has almost no link to reality,apart from your fake and betraying mental life.

Now,lets move further, as i have done my every compulsion and obsession, here comes the ultimate version of the torment that is what we call as "pure - O".

I was still okay and fine with ocd until this, the new form of my ocd that is 100% in my brain and not physical link. I was just having little issue with time management and some other issues with ordinary ocd but this new form is what completely seized or ceased or stopped my whole life progress and kinda freezed or paused everything of my life and i was doing nothing from my homework to taking bath as i was lost in my brain to such extent and was imprisoned in my brain patterns and compulsions.But I will talk about how it affected me ,later but first talk about what really i was suffering from.It includes useless compulsions and obsessions and what made it even worse was my tendency towards perfectionism. Now , I had to be certain about every little detail of course of what i couldnt see nor touch but just imagine it and suffer it. Like i assume myself facing problems that I  wont ever Encounter and just being worried of every little possibility of how a problem can be solved just cuz of i wanna be perfect in everything,Just like i wanna choose the perfect dish and perfect girl.

And there is a lot that iam trying to communicate about my weird pure-o but i dont know how to share it out of my mind,cuz it is also ironic that this is individual to one and no other people really can understand and even will make fun of him/her.If you are also suffering from such un-desribable ocd,just dont worry of how you can share it with other as the best solution is you, yourself ,talking to yourself Inside you And teach you That is constantly disturbing you. But the full therapeutic lines I will talk further being a topic in itself.

As i was telling you about undescribable pure ocd thing, iam gonna give it a try to tell you about this so the 1st thing is my inclination towards being perfect along with being obsessed over things that dont really worth it,and being afraid of not doing well and feeling compelled to repeat certain brain patterns that now iam gonna give you a taste of what is really like to have it.

There were many compulsive thoughts in my brain but one of them was me trying to be pefect in english and a fear that is still a nightmare for me. Vocabulary was not really such a great deal but the bullshit things was pronunciation that if i dont get perfect i may die.One thing here i want to confirm you that, it was not because of i found certain words To be challenging to pronounce or difficult but thats kinda Pure ocd thing that is also a good definition of how certain people are suffering from this without you even being aware of their torment. Here, comes the plot twist that iam even now trying to avoid triggers as iam writing in english to not let it to be a spark that can lead to fire and that is my spiraling,another ocd thing. So here is spiraling : thought loop Like again n again with fear of not being perfect and also knowing that it will take you no where but you are feeling compelled in spite of that.And it goes until you get to point Of that satisfaction in your brain patterns that quenches your thirst up.This also is another delight of pure o that how come one can be satisfy of what he cant see or touch like in physical Ocd.So,to describe, that point of satisfaction in brain can sometime Become "infinite". Its like black everywhere and there is a way of getting rid of this That is to unlock the door With key, but the problem here is that there is no such thing Like key that exists.Now i think you must have estimated the hidden torment.Now lets talk about its other affects and outcomes that i had to suffer as i said earlier,Iam gonna give you  just some scenarios that i have been from.Imagine you are going to take a bath and you go to bathroom and put of your clothes and randomly you see a wraper of soap in which you see a triggerful word that triggers you up and your Spiraling ,and ever lasting (exaggerated) thinking. Or just say that nothing triggers your pure-o or ocd but suddenly you kinda felt insecure and felt a compulsion of checking Your thoughts Or kinda panic or anxiety In brain That only sufferer can understand but you can think of This as a fear of not getting that spiraling thought And instead your panic-ing And anxietiful condition ,leads you to spiraling And stucking you up in brain instead.Coming back to taking bath,after you took bath,when you come out of bathroom ,your mother asks,mazhar(ME)! what the hell were you doing in bathroom for so long like an hour? And you are speechless cuz what you can tell them that ,were you thinking a lot or were you stuck in thoughts or spiraling.NO,ofcourse they will not understand.And they even accuse you of fooling them and watching corn videos and having fun.It doesnt end here,how can i describe you what it felt, Life to be imprisoned in brain,deprived of playing , studying and even eating and living a normal life.I became a lone wolf and hated everyone who tried to interfere me while spiraling.As i said earlier,it started after my 8th grade, in the start of new grade 9th and year 2023,and affected my whole next and haf year at extreme level and consequently,my grades became poor and my parents took me to a psychologist to figure out what had happened to me and that person or psychologist said to my parents to go outta the room to have a open conversation with me and yes, there concealing it from my parents i whispered it into his ear and explained to him a little bit for what he gave me some pills and talked to my parents what i wasnt able to hear cuz this time i was outta room and my parents inside.But fortunately,doctor was worth believing cuz he didnt tell to my parents anything atleast i believe.This also is downside of any mental health issue especially, ocd but more specifically pure-o,as you cant share it with people cuz you know that,its only gonna make matter worse.

Yet,there is actually a lot that I cant describe here as iam unable to interpret them and to convince you but dont worry I will still Try to tell you As usual,when I wake up and couldn't wake up due to my thoughts that was stuck in my mind and i ended up waking up at 11am and After, to have breakfast I took first bite and my compulsive thought got triggered and took me half an hour to finish my toast. And the same happens afterwards in my every phase of day. Iam in school or being ready for school and spontaneously and uncertainly boom ( wherever you see boom,it refers to trigger and spiraling ) and i get too late for school abd afterwardly while taking lecture in school i get a *ucking thought that again results in boom and my teacher says " where are you roaming around " and thinks that iam not normal and mentally ill. And at many events and holidays and enjoy occasions i was often stuck in this. Iam watching a short or video on youtube in which a i see a certain word that results not only in boom or spiraling but also in my playing video backward and forward repetitively and obsessively cuz i become kinda obsessed with this and feel compelled to do so no matter , i know that its real or not but i just believe in it so firm. And it goes for a hour and similarly while iam combing my hairs in-front of the mirror and also boom!. I want every strand of my hair to be in right place.Also, I feel the discomfort or uneasiness the whole day of combing hairs with my hand.

Although,there is still more of it [ torture of ocd (pure-o) ] but i think thats enough for now and now i think you must have understood ,what can this do to your life and how it can be a concern. However,now i have managed to control or rein this but yes still, some things some times irritate me but thats okay as i can bear them. Or say i have developed a new way of living life and replaced the older one embracing the change. And thats what our next topic or ch# is gonna be about, in which i will tell you how i managed to and how you can to cope with this,that is based on my Personal Experience that i think can help you to eradicate this or at least to alleviate this bad habit ( i think its not a illness , its kinda both a habit and disease).

 

 Rehablitation : Path to heal,based on my experience

 

Now as you can see or read this,iam in front of your eyes writing this book that is testimonial or evidence to my healing from ocd.However, I want here to make you sure about one thing that sometimes even now ,i face compulsions but not a big deal,also iam now in the end of 10th grade and my torment year was started after 8th and went for 1.5 years approximately but fortunately iam no longer a slave of any thought or disease or habit. So, now lets First talk about my physical OCD that how iam managing this. I still face some Physical compulsions as mentioned earlier. Now,whenever i get stuck in a repetitive behaviour of checking things and having them perfectly arranged in a certain order,what really happens is that although You know your compulsions arent real but still you do so ,but how  i dealt with and still is dealing with this is that i have learned to be in *UNCERTAINITY* And not to be fully certain and i ask myself okay why i wanna be fully certain? Cuz iam okay being not perfect and to not to worry about anything just kinda try to be un aware of them and try to forget them and do something alternatively that you find more easy and enjoyfull.So, being careless and trying not to be certain about everything is the key. However still you are gonna feel anxiety of not being certain and that compulsions will attract you like a magnet buy you gotta oppose them and let it go and say to them "you go your way , i go mine".

Be careless and ignorant about your compulsion and the thing is that there is a decision making in your brain of which iam benefitting in this way that as a human we, instinctively try to choose easier path and whenever i feel compelled , in my brain's decision making , i think should i do it again or not and i think avoiding it would be much easier for me and i just say no!, iam not gonna givit a shit try and just go some where else to be unaware of compulsion. And now lets talk about how to deal with or how i dealt with another ocd *PURE-O*  type. Its ofcourse not physical but in brain.

Here ,is how a day just some time ago was a turning point for me cuz i was gonna say bye bye to my pure-o that was the main villain of the story. 

When i came back home after offering my jumma salah or prayer , i was as usual , stuck in my thoughts but first time ,in my whole year of ocd, I started to think ir-rationally and differntly from before like why the hell am i even running behind these Compulsive thoughts and I realized that my whole year was a joke and lie that my brain kept convincing me but until now.I spent my year without thinking in a neutral point of view.and just dwelled on thoughts without asking me why? Does this really matters for my success or will i die If i dont do them? The answer was ofcourse no!  . And that changed my mind completely and now whenever i find myself to be stuck i just say these type of things to me in my brain to calm me.In addition to that,another coping thing or tactic is to realize that you have total , 100% control on your brain and thoughts and you gotta teach yourself that you have free will and you arent in control of your thoughts and compulsions. Once you have practiced this , you are already 50 percent relieved from pure-o or ocd. If you get a sudden compulsion attack or fear that you are going to loose control and are going to be like overwhelmed as Usual , this time just say them no! And ask yourself why and try to Practice Or recall what i told earlier of acknowledging that you free will and nobody is gonna force you ,only you are the one who is gonna force yourself and thats what you should know whenever you face a ocd compulsion. It's all a illusion, that you tend to think that once your compulsion is triggered so now there is no way iam not gonna act on it.And you think now you are slave of that . But if you have practiced my tips mentioned earlier, enough , you could possibly say no , not this time as the time have changed and iam no longer that person who believes in delusional thoughts that are completely false and based on a lie, now iam a new person with refreshed brain. 

Now,lets move further, Try to let things go and not to dwell on them and not to worry about them. I know as a former ocdian , if someone have ocd ,he is unable to let things go and think very deeply about every little detail.Also here is another thing if you have ocd there is a good chance that you are spending most of your time alone at home and that what you also need to work on as you are becoming a lone wolf day by day that eventually , you are gonna hate the one who is seeing you,even your parents cuz you become very impulsive and start to fear of being watched and hate , who is trying to interrupt you. You should socialize and i know And understand that at first its not gonna be as much easier as it looks but believe me once you start to go outside and interact with people socially , its gonna have great effects on your brain. Now,whenever you feel compulsive Thought or try to spiral , there are a lot of people to not let you do so like when you are alone and they will implicitly force you not to get distracted or stuck in your thoughts or to let your compulsive thought overwhelm you.

You also need to change your lazy lifestyle and to become busy person because another thing that really helped and still is helping me is that i have been doing so many colorful things that i enjoy and hobbies. For the sake of busy-ness what i did so far was to start a little big dropshipping business online or a online shop on a e commerce shopping platform like lazada ( not sponsered ).

Because the main thing that is responsible for your being stuck or being compelled is having a empty brain and thats what you gotta avoid. Go start any engage yourself in other activities. Like in my case , other than online shop , iam also doing so many things like working some time for a youtube video or doing some animation on mobile phone for fun. Now, instead of thinking on my ocd , iam busy doing something exciting and what i enjoy doing. Now i ship orders on the courier hub or post office and do pack my orders and go outside home (for shipping the order)thats what you also need to consider to (Not ceratainly dropshipping)

Or i do animation like stuff but you gotta do what you enjoy,cuz our main mission is to get ourselves as busy as enough to not let Our brain empty for any useless compulsive thoughts, instead of sitting alone and crying for the life and being *ucked up by those thoughts.

Also here is another thing that i think you should consider , to limit your enjoy and pleasure as it releases what we call a pleasure hormone like substance called dopamine which is an organic molecule in our body that is responsible for transmitting signals between neurons (brain cells).And physcially it has effects like being motivated or mainly pleasure. 

By pleasure, I mean doing things that you enjoy , instead of doing what is not easy and less enjoyable,like study but what iam saying is not,not to enjoy at all but to have balance btw them like 50% boredom + 50% enjoy and if you decrease the enjoy and increase the boredom ratio its even better.Here is why this matters cuz if you release too much dopamine , it can result in anxiety and stess althogh it is know to reduce stress but ultimately you are gonna have mental health issues and unease and also aggressive behaviour and maybe also delusions that are All ocd things.But also the lack of of dopamine Can also lead to complications like very less motivated that too isnt good. Okay so by not enjoying very high you can also get relief not directly but believe me it works. And you gotta beleive in this and not only this but also in yourself as this is also a part of healing cuz your belief and will ( Of doing what u want )  Are related to each other , your belief has a great power to even change the reality. So if you really have a firm belief in yourself and in everything , you could possibly shape your own reality. By believing in that you are no longer a victim of ocd or pure o can also help as you will naturally try to react according to what you think and if you think or somehow manged to make yourself believe And think  and firmly believe In that You have a *ucking GooD MightY will and no son of any father in this world like ocd son of overthinking Can stop you from having control on your brain and body and actions.So,now please start Practicing This and do yourself a favor of believing in yourself and self control and not letting ocd conquer you but you conquer ocd by having faith in god and in yourself. If you somehow managed to persuade your stubborn mind into thinking these things that i mentioned so far. 

So,congratulations now you have conquered those repetitive and compulsive thoughts and patterns ,not completely but at least now, this will be less extreme and gradually you will learn more coping patterns in your brain and after a year you will be a completely changed you. But one thing i admit that its not gonna end but maintainence is the key,i.e you can learn how to live with this and become more accustomed to it.Also there are several other solutions that i never experienced much but you could possibly give them a try that are therapies like CBT and many others but i dont liked to give them any try cuz the best therapist is you not him or her as what you know about you is way deeper than the understanding of therapist.However,you can givvit a try if you want to cuz what might not work for one may work for the other.

As i mentioned earlier , the best and natural therapist is the only one who is reading this now at this time who can help himself out by believing in himself and engaging himself in various activities to not let his brain to be empty.Also by taking his some time on meditation and thinking of his compulsions and realizing them that they arent real but only a result of maybe your being prfectionist or maybe overthinking habit etcetra.. .   

CONCLUSION and final thoughts:

In case ,If you have tried all tactics , still you are same after a year of reading this, here is the answer that like me you need to develop your own coping strategies as no one know about your problem better than you ,so take your time to think what is your problem and how can you deal with this in your own customised way . Try not to share it with friends and relatives and even family but only and only if your parents are worth telling like i have seen parents or guardians who dont take it seriously ,instead they think you should go to assylum and also the tend to share it with other people and family members, that can lead to shame but also here is the another thing that having ocd isnt a shame or guilty as you should acknowledge that you arent alone , there are thousands of people suffering from this, instead you should take care of yourself properly and should try to change your habits of ocd life and also change your environment in which you are living as it influences your brain and thoughts and also lifestyle. You should travel to other places as it also impacts your brain in a way you cant imagine.Focus on your hobbies and whatever you like todo instead to spending time alone whole day and becoming a lone wolf. Stop acting on your addictions and find a good alternative to your addictions like now instead of *******ation For pleasure, i do smthn else that is also enjoyable but positive for my health like creative tasks and hobbies. 

Btw,how i spent my those deadly pure o days , only i can understand but now iam here writing in front of your eyes,so if i can , why you cant? . Believe and you are halfway there. Once i was a zombie like person like a year ago and now iam again a new better person and recovered. If you are struggling with ocd and having anxiety and depression , never ever give up , i know in extreme cases it can result in suicidal thoughts but its curable so dont worry at all and take a deep breathe and say " life is too short for ocd and its endless compulsions " like the world is really very big and you have to do so many things in your life and you are just focusing on a little detail leaving a world behind that is far more bigger than our conception and imagination. Look into a big picture and take a step back instead of just dwelling, and realize your thoughts and compulsions and see them what is their importance and view them from a neutral point of view. 

Its never late , still there is hope to colorize your b&white world  and there is vast and brighter and beautiful world out there for you to be in and to contribute in. Stop wasting life now. 

If in case you have somehow managed to cope with this, now the next step is to forget what destruction it has done cuz you should forget about your set backs and think about moving forward without worrying about past. After successfully doing so, i have also forgotten now what it did to my life and my reputation among my parents and relatives And my academic de gradation also. I just wanna say that it does not matter how much you had been *ucked up by this , but what matter is to keep moving forward instead of looking back and doing recovery and also experiencing a complete new pathway to living your prosperous life. I know that its not gonna be as much easier as it looks but as you have heard that there is no crying over spilt milk, life is not a physical mixture but a chemical mixture that cant be separated but its a new thing now ,maybe better than before and now instead of being worried about past you must embrace this new chemical mixture life. Nothing is impossible with a firm belief in yourself and god. KUDOS, its a new life now and a new start . Lets enjoy it together and eat a mr beast chocolate bar.💌

" You are still that same person before and after ocd and so, still there is hope for prosperity "  

I MADE A DOCUMENTARY VIDEO ON YOUTUBE OF MY EXPERIENCE WITH OCD: 

update from July 2025 26; IAm 80% RECOVERED And still at times I face issue but that's not interfering with my progress.

also I want to sorry for (there are so many mispellings )

#ocd.

#nothing is impossible

personal story OCD recovery

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